last straw
An isolated castle with no residents and passersby but one consigns to oblivion
All alone, brick walls surrounding the castle stacked year after year
Thorny vines of rose bushes scrambled its way through the sky-scraping tower
In it, locked a maiden, completely alone, no one to call out to, no way to reach out
But the prince, maneuvering a catapult, with pair of shears in his hands, found his way to the castle
Vine by vine, all giant stalks come raining down, a clear path he creates
With hurling large stones colliding with towering walls, down and down goes the castle
Bricks by bricks had the tower been torn apart, everything that surrounds the maiden has come tumbling down,
"I have come to get you," says the prince.
Don't be too nice to me, I'll get greedy.
Darling, we do not belong in the same world. You are far from me, living in the light of the world. In your kingdom, there's sunlight, garden of roses, laughter and giggles of children, wind chimes, and the sound of people feasting together. And you, wiping the sweat trickling down your forehead to your brows with your gloved hands, contending to your beautifully grown flowers. You are favoured by the sunshine, a descended angel, always positive, full of life.
I belong to the dark side of the world, covered in shadows, cold, starving, alone. With thorns so tall they form a wall. You would not understand my world, and your light is too blinding I could not bear to be near you. Where there is light, there is an absence of darkness. We could not exist in the same place together. But nevertheless, when you're with me, you radiate your warmth to me and I could see a glimpse of what your world looks like, full of hope, calling out to me, where my heart yearns to be.
But Darling I belong to the dark, somewhere I've never wanted you to see.
13 March, 2016
So, uni started! Between my last post and my current, my options have been switching to accountancy, computer science, engineering and finally back to accountancy again HAHA. Uni just started and it's all alright, I'm starting all the new foreign subjects which I have never been exposed to, but that's okay, I'll work till I get it. But mama said Accounting should be SO easy for me to pick up, and my Accounting lecturer said it as well, it should be SO, SO easy for pure science students to pick it up, but meh, I feel like it overwhelms me even more than when in form 4 we were introduced to all 3 sciences, I'm not even kidding. Accounting is like the only subject out of the four I am taking that has 80 pages just for a chapter I feel like everything was rushed and one freaking tutorial class of one and a half hours we are already supposed to have covered as much as 80 pages gosh. I'm so lost in class but at least I understood a few terms here and there thanks to the 5-week internship I went in which the allowance aren't even sufficient to pay for my lunches. Economics is interesting, I have been watching Crash Course videos (they are amazing, man) to learn it but everyone says it's the hardest subject to score so I don't know man. Uni life has been okay but I haven't made many friends (just lots of acquaintance where I've known them from orientation games and all), and I've been sticking with my college mates, so not much changes from college there. I've joined a decent amount of clubs and seniors have been asking us to apply to be the subcommittees and all, so I guess it's time to step out of my comfort zone and step right in uni life where you expand and stretch yourself to ways unimaginable.
Speaking of internship, I was there hopefully to familiarise myself with the workplace of accountants, hoping to get a glimpse of what accountants do, and no, I didn't like it, not at all. It's funny how we teenagers were always thinking, when we grow up we want to have a job that doesn't restrict us to be in the office all the time. We want to go out, explore, travel, no, we don't wanna do something boring, that's just so not me. But reality check, how many stable jobs are there (available in Msia) that doesn't keep you locked up in the office. Engineers for one, excluding the unrealistic ones for me artists, singers, actors, choreographers, well, what else? It's not like we even have much choices right.
I've started driving to uni lately, FINALLY, I'm allowed to drive alone but think of it right, I can't even park my car LOL but uni parking is friendly, I reach uni super early and there are so many empty places it wouldn't be a problem, and I haven't even pumped petrol even once lol but I will need to soon, later this week. I don't know man, the feeling is different. I liked driving so far (somehow I feel like I'm fearless, but no, I'm not speeding or anything), I can go home whatever time I want and go wherever I want, and most importantly I wouldn't have to beg for transport if I were to hang out with my friends or whatever. But yeah, one more responsibility I'm bearing now, gotta take care of the car and all. But it is really really convenient tho because it can even act as my locker and bedroom hehehe.
I reach uni so damn early in the morning and it's pitch black and all. I swear it's pitch black it wasn't the same as Taylors, where the lights will be on for ya at 5 am or earlier than that and learning hub will be open for you and you get an air-conditioned with perfect lighting place to sleep or study or whatever, it's so...friendly. Yes, friendly's the right word. But here in uni it's all dark without lights and no place to chill, AT ALL. Library only opens at 8 which means I have to wait for 2 hours, the only place with lights is the cafeteria and I can't sit there because the smell of food will get to my hair and shit (as if my hair isn't oily enough, let alone ruining it so early in the morning). And the only other place that we can chill is the umbrella place, but it was super dark there and filled with mosquitoes (Daily job in the morning: feed the mosquitoes with your own life) and most of the time it's wet because it rained the night before then I had to search for dry spots to sit. Feeding mosquitoes for 2 hours with oily hair every day, ya know.
And yeah, there's Orientation Bash! It was really fun and I have tried things I've never done before. I rock climbed, which was absolutely terrifying but I made it all the way to the top, phew. When I was in the middle of the cliff all I could think of was, gosh I'm glad I'm not a guy, I must look so sissy climbing this. I tried flying fox as well, which was something like zip line and it was amazing except the duration was too short in comparison to how long we had to queue up for it, and the only scary part is where you had to kick off the building (or whatsoever) it kinda feel like you're committing suicide for an instance oh my gosh. There were station games like amazing race and all, and I'm telling you they were bloody intense. More intense than any station games I've played anyway. We had a full triceps workout and we got dipped into mud several times which made me regret wearing my favourite innerwear where white stripes turn into brown stripes where washing machine can't even salvage ugh. At the end of the games we had to build our own campfire and cook the Milo, I've got amazing guys in my team who were all either from scouts or been through NS so they know how to make fire and all so I'm just standing there doing nothing but admiring like a piece of log :'( (Even though I want to be able to do all that survival thingy so much) After the games we were like all battled and bruised omg. But it was really great and all I've met nice people there and the performance at night was just downright superb amazing, if only I had a nice camera though, they gave me the sudden urge to ditch uni and join their fire trainings HAHA.
So I guess the real hectic uni life is gonna start soon, where there is no time for me to be this chill anymore as you can see everyone is already studying at week freaking 2 and I'm already so lost in track and the standards there is so high man. How can my dumb brain deal with this you tell me.
Till the next time I talk to you lovelies, hopefully I'd still be alive by then, xx
The Cake Bride? Queen of Cake??
I just realized most of my posts start with an 'Oh gosh', so here you go- OH GOSH, it has been long, hasn't it. I've wanted to post since after camp but meh I got tied up with things so here ya go with my super delayed post. So yeah, last time I was going on with my camp costume and all, and it turned out to be a success! Except the part where it only lasted till the exact moment we were asked to change to normal clothes so that we could proceed to the games, but if it isn't for the bus ride, I wouldn't have to cut the cake up into two halves and ruin the whole thing... so dum dum dum here it is!
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| I actually prefer it without the cardigan, but I was afraid the spaghetti straps were considered inappropriate so meh |
I wanted to post like step by step of how the cake is formed but I was too engrossed the whole night to even stop to hold my phone hah. So it all started as I was talking to Steph and we were googling for food ideas to dress up as, my initial idea was to dress up as a gingerbread man which would be REALLY CUTE but really troublesome to carry a big head wherever you go HAHA I even sketched out the plan and it looked a little unrealistic and it uses too much of boxes so I started getting bored of the idea already hah. And that's when I see Kakuteru here and I wondered if I was gonna be food, why don't I make use of skirts and make my whole body as the food ah.
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| This is Kakuteru btw |
So yeah, I thought of being the queen of jelly or a three-tiered cake. Since I have a maxi floral dress so I guess I could pull off a wedding cake? :p Mama was helpful when we were looking for boxes at shopping malls and the shopkeepers told us to get them from the garbage truck in Giant LOL. Said we would be lucky if they haven't collected it by then but boy aren't we lucky the whole truck was filled with boxes of all sizes HAHA. We went to the garbage truck and people were staring at me as if I were some homeless lunatic frantically searching the garbage trucks for valuable goods (boxes, in this case). It's funny how my costumes were always made of garbage, like last year my Maleficient headpiece and staff were literally made of garbage bags and a broken broomstick that was disposed of where I saved it from being crashed into the eternal abyss of oblivion to being a glorious staff of Maleficient. Well, cost-free costumes are the best.
I took 4 hours to cut up the boxes and tape them and everything. It was really cool as I wear the box skirt up, as my upper half body was entirely pure dress without anything more than that, the box skirt made me feel like I'm a Disney Princess or something, you know how Cinderella wears the huge metal caged skirts while in training and yeah I felt like that. But after wearing it for a long time my hipbones started aching because the whole humongous cake bottom was only supported by my poor hips so I placed some padded socks on both my hips so yeah it felt much better.
But all because of the bus ride I had to cut the box up so I didn't have to carry the whole big cake up to the bus, gosh and it ended up I had to tape the whole thing right before dinner and it didn't work as planned goshhhh because the tape wasn't as strong as I thought it was. I taped so many times and it kept falling off I thought the costume wouldn't make it already. But I had dormmates cheering me on and telling me no I can't just give up on my cake because they were sure I was gonna win gahhhh. Meh, it was a hell of an evening and I had people helping me tape here and there trying to find the best place to tape to secure it (They kinda look like they're helping Ms cake to give birth, though).
There was a fatal flaw to my costume where I knew it all along, I COULDN'T SIT. (because of the back of the chair blocking my cake ass) I wanted to sit alone outside to have my dinner where there were backless benches but a few of them offered to accompany me throughout dinner so I didn't have to be alone outside hehehe. But Nick said no, and he searched all over the campsite for a stool (because I can only sit on stools) so I could join everyone for dinner :')
However, the skirt only lasted till the exact minute they announced that they're starting the night games, before that I could dance in my skirt and twirl it all around but AT THAT EXACT MOMENT I could literally feel it crack and falling apart so I was holding my skirt all the way back to my dorm room and yeah rest in peace (piece) cakey.
And here, to make the wedding cake more realistic I'd need the wedding cake topper so yah wore it like a crown on my head haha.
So here's Steph, her idea was amazing though. TACO BELLe, get it? Taco Belle.
Here's your menu of the day :)
Everyone was telling me how much effort I've put in the costume and how I deserved to win because of that??? ...Dude I think I know myself and my costume better than you lol. If you were gonna judge costumes based on their efforts, I wouldn't have won because there were others who spent days and nights making their costumes it isn't fair that you say I won because of my efforts. Dude effort wise mine was nothing, my dress was super easy to make and it's the idea that matters here
22 November, 2015
Oh my gosh, hi. I have been wanting to update but, you know, I couldn't really find time to. Since I couldn't sleep now (must've been the tea) so I've decided that I should write this right now or I will just drag this till forever haha.
So, when was the last time I even updated? Yes, that was during sem break and yes, I am that busy. I don't know what have I gained after 8 months of college except weight, two shades of serious exhaustion and also the skills to study for an assessment two hours before the test (I pretty much do that for every test). As you can see from my post on Instagram the caption explained it all:
"We're officially over 😊😊 Thanks for 7 months of mentally abusive, high maintenance and stressful relationship and your unending bullshit. Good riddance Sam (aka self-abuse matriculation). Adios."
Basically, we have at least one assignment to hand in or assessment to sit for every week, and I don't recall plenty of days where I can actually sit and rest because once a huge task is over, we have to focus on another freaking task. There's no time to lose no time to chill man. That's sam for you. But the thing is you can't say it's hard either, I suppose it's very mild in comparison with A levels or whatsoever it's just the time allocated and the workload that wears you out, so I don't think I've actually learnt all that much throughout these months. And the worse thing is, FINALS ARE SO DIFFERENT FROM YOUR USUAL TESTS IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. It's like they make you spend so much time on your 70%, then all of a sudden one month before finals, BOOM, this is the real thing bitches. If you rate usual tests as level 10, finals would be a level 100. The system is really shitty if you asked me, us spending so much time on the internal assessments and suddenly introducing us all these hardcore tough shit one month before finals, so can I assume the remaining 30% isn't all that significant, after all? I did terribly for finals, alright. But at least I finished 70% of sam so I don't feel that uneasy for doing terribly (I doubt I would ever feel uneasy, for that chill of an attitude I've grown to possess), but fingers crossed, results will be out in less than a month from now, I really hope I did well and did not let my parents down. But I hold little hopes that my atar score is sufficient to apply for any scholarships or whatsoever since their requirements are so high for sam students.
So, after all the pre u's and stuff we're back to square one. What course? I have no idea. All the things I really liked have been crossed out by reality, according to mama. And we've come across architecture, clinical psychology, speech therapy and everything but all of those are all out because of some reasons, and engineering which is supposed to be my decision is out as well because I despise specialist maths and everything that has to do with it (so much for being gung-ho about chemical engineering, for crying out loud). And there it lies accounting... the apple of every parent's eyes (with the claim that we will be safest in his hands) and the loyal one who has been asking for permission to enter my life whom I brutally rejected by claiming him to be a bore, is waving his hands at me, welcoming me with opening arms once again. I guess I finally said yes to him. Though I have ABSOLUTELY, NO, ANY SINGLE experience about accounting at all, nor do I know if it interests me or not. Shit, this sounds more and more like an arranged marriage. (But arranged marriages work, usually) (So we better work, too) All I know is I'm too naive to be interested in all those investment and fund shit and my mum said it will not be a problem for me to pick up the subject. Oh well, we don't know that. But I guess I'm pretty adaptable so I REALLY HOPE it will be okay for me while a lot of others probably had experiences since high school or at least college. So I guess I'm the newly wed wife that has to learn all about the hubby while all the others are already old couples with Mr.Accounting.
Since finals are finally over, I guess I could go back to my carefree days where I can watch endless movies and animes and bake to my baking and drawing days oh gosh. Watched a few tsunami of tears-inducing movies recently which gave me a few days of thinking to do, and I decided to go church camp as well. Just got to know the theme of our banquet night today, and oh, how costume making excites me omg. I guess I'm going to start making it real soon, so do stay tuned to my updates oh gosh I really wanna know if the costume succeeds or not.
That's all for today and it's 4 a.m. now and there's church tomorrow. I hope I don't yawn every 10 seconds tomorrow??
Love all of you non-existent readers.
3 June, 2015
Oh gosh, GOSH. It has been such a hectic month (2 months actually) and I've been wanting to write a post since forever but I didn't have time to and yeah, it's sem break now! Well I'm already half way through the second week to be exact and hell is gonna break loose again real soon. And oooh, I haven't even done half of what I planned to do in my 2 week break, so much for sightseeing and food hunt, actually revising the whole 2 chapters of spec maths which I missed out while focussing on SATs, chemistry assignment outline and actually doing notes for chemistry and physics.
College was alright and I managed to make a few awesome friends there and has been to the major event for my course already which was a rave party in which I jumped non-stop for hours lol (resulting in calves ache the next day), it was my first time in a rave party but well it wasn't that bad except the fact that we aren't given any drinks other than red bull there.
Well, why it has been so tiring I don't even have time to sit down and breathe (and I really don't understand how my friends can still go dating like everyday??) is because I have 5 subjects and all the exams and assignments and lab reports come pouring in at the same time and due the same week so it's like, oh my gosh. You really have to manage your time very well or else you have to sacrifice either your assignments, tests, or sleep. (sleep is not an option I only get 4 hours of sleep a day!!!) The tests were kind of terrible actually, we only have such limited time (like, what, 50 minutes?) to complete our assessment and in spm you get to take your own sweet time to do every question and check them (or sleep, in my case) but for my SATs even if I rushed like mad I wasn't able to finish the papers. But yeah! Thank God for lab reports to pull my grades up. It was still new to me and I don't really know what I should include in the report to get an A+ or what is it I have to correct, but at least we get longer period to do it and we can discuss it. But the thing is there will tend to be assholes copying your folios or assignments you've spent days and nights doing it and bam, they just take your hard work asking if they could have it for reference to theirs and they just copy the whole freaking thing because they didn't have time to complete and they started too late. Yeah. OK. I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine with you copying stuff I've sacrificed my sleep doing just to let you have fun all the nights while I'm doing it. Oh well, those are college assholes for you, I've met a lot of them and gah, not surprised.
Oh oh, and we actually had oral test for English. As you know speaking has always been a problem to me but this was slightly better because this was one-to-one with our lecturer BUT it was audio recorded and will be sent to Aussie for moderation. We're going to have our presentation video recorded and sent to Aussie too later this year so oh gosh, how am I going to survive that??! Kind of satisfied with my oral test grade though, got an A- which was out of my expectation heh.
And OH MY GOSH, I'm an adult already!! How am I already an adult though, (still not over the fact that I'm not able to sing sixteen going on seventeen guy version already, I mean, I waited 16 years for that what do you mean I can't sing now...) still not ready for grown up stuff, and 'the real world' and responsibilities. Finally legal they said, I really don't know what I can do now that I wasn't allowed before with such strict parents around though HAHA.
My day was okay I guess, friend treated me lunch and I walked around the mall aimlessly for the whole afternoon (oh did I mention how much I spent last month... I think I've gone crazy because I haven't been to malls for a long time gosh and I thought I deserved to have them so hehehhe) (I should actually do a taobao haul post for that even though I didn't buy THAT much but yeah, why not, if I have the time) (IF) just because of the dinner at night. It was nice, I managed to have friends who would surprise me on my birthday even though I already guessed that, but still, the cake surprised me heh.
But man, I need more holidays I don't feel like going back to college life again mannn. Before college started everyone told me we have more freedom in college and it wasn't as hectic and disciplined in high school. Gosh how is high school even hectic?? I could sleep everyday after school and not do homework and sleep in class but I cannot do any of these in college already. College is not a place that we're allowed to chill, no one to back you up, you pay for your own fees, what's gone, is gone. No one to tell you to come to class, no one to discipline you, no one to hold the cane and ask you to do your homework. I wasn't doing all too good in first semester because there has been a lot of procrastinating but it is true that I've been really busy, I was kind of disappointed in myself after the pledge I've made after getting my spm results and my constant reminder to myself to stop being so chill for goodness sake. (where is your sense of urgency???) Man, I've got to buck up already, catch up with everything I have no time to loose man. I've no idea when will be the next time I will be updating so ciao guys,
wish me luck xx
14 March, 2015
Oh well I don't have much things to say to keep you entertained, but guess what, I'm gonna be a college student reaaaaaal soon! I'm somewhat excited, maybe because I've been away from school for quite some time and I'm actually interested to learn new stuff haha though I'm kinda worried that I may not be able to cope with Maths specialist (which is add maths squared) (when I can't even really do well in spm add maths, already) and also Chemistry and Physics. But the counselors assured me that I would be able to do well and I just need extra effort and consistency but I doubt that myself because I don't have that strong of a foundation in all three subjects above (no point telling this to anyone not like they'd understand anyway) Oh well it's all your faults isn't it, fooling around and chilling too much, you reap what you sow sigh. I'm kinda nervous too well I haven't been to a new unfamiliar place full of strangers for years so I guess it's normal to feel that way but ugh I've got to wake up at 5 every morning just like high school all over again and I have some serious discipline problem getting my ass of my bed and mann mama bear is gonna be furious if I can't correct this bad habit of mine.
And awh mannnn, I've got to drive to college (with mama by my side of course) and I really....don't know. Not that I'm scared, in fact I find myself too chill at everything for my liking but driving for me has been... all estimating and risk taking and 'I think I can turn before the car reaches me' shit so... wow, what if my estimation has gone wrong IDK MAN.
Well, doubting my choice of degree course again, first off I don't even understand what engineering is about and of course I haven't gotten enough exposure in it to step into the path of chemical engineering. Sure, turning raw materials in a
something sounds really fun I'm not even sure the subjects I've to go through are my cup of tea, or not. Chemistry and Physics in high school are way too... basic for me to even judge if I liked the subjects or not, they're just a scratch on the surface of the whole Physics knowledge hah funny hearing this from someone who got such mediocre results.
And also, everyone is asking me to chase my dreams lol, it isn't that easy to do that when your parents expect highly of you because they know what's best (I would prefer to use the word 'safe' here heh) for you and when you're not a billionaire for crying out loud all the courses I've ever wanted are not even available in our country. There is no 'chase your dreams' bullshit in here man, unless, UNLESS you've completed the degree your parents expect you to, find a nice paying job, and use the money you've earned to pursue the career that you actually wanted overseas, but man what a waste of time, you'd be 30 or 40 plus or so by then (but oh well at least you get to do something you're passionate about until you die) and you'd be a marine biologist with an engineer degree or a tourist with accounting background or something like that. Well, reality check, that option is totally out for me already, for having expectations and expenses and budgets and skills confining and suffocating me into this narrow of a path with my career options, it isn't like I even had a choice. (You don't have to convince me I can really chase my dreams you know, as I know some people would actually do that if they were to read this, this may not be applicable for your life but oh well, this IS my life and it's not like I haven't thought that through, either)
That's all for today and I'm gonna continue my work (sigh), will update you real soon about college life, I guess.
Ciao lovelies, xx
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