Oh well I don't have much things to say to keep you entertained, but guess what, I'm gonna be a college student reaaaaaal soon! I'm somewhat excited, maybe because I've been away from school for quite some time and I'm actually interested to learn new stuff haha though I'm kinda worried that I may not be able to cope with Maths specialist (which is add maths squared) (when I can't even really do well in spm add maths, already) and also Chemistry and Physics. But the counselors assured me that I would be able to do well and I just need extra effort and consistency but I doubt that myself because I don't have that strong of a foundation in all three subjects above (no point telling this to anyone not like they'd understand anyway) Oh well it's all your faults isn't it, fooling around and chilling too much, you reap what you sow sigh. I'm kinda nervous too well I haven't been to a new unfamiliar place full of strangers for years so I guess it's normal to feel that way but ugh I've got to wake up at 5 every morning just like high school all over again and I have some serious discipline problem getting my ass of my bed and mann mama bear is gonna be furious if I can't correct this bad habit of mine.

And awh mannnn, I've got to drive to college (with mama by my side of course) and I really....don't know. Not that I'm scared, in fact I find myself too chill at everything for my liking but driving for me has been... all estimating and risk taking and 'I think I can turn before the car reaches me' shit so... wow, what if my estimation has gone wrong IDK MAN.

Well, doubting my choice of degree course again, first off I don't even understand what engineering is about and of course I haven't gotten enough exposure in it to step into the path of chemical engineering. Sure, turning raw materials in a something sounds really fun I'm not even sure the subjects I've to go through are my cup of tea, or not. Chemistry and Physics in high school are way too... basic for me to even judge if I liked the subjects or not, they're just a scratch on the surface of the whole Physics knowledge hah funny hearing this from someone who got such mediocre results.

And also, everyone is asking me to chase my dreams lol, it isn't that easy to do that when your parents expect highly of you because they know what's best (I would prefer to use the word 'safe' here heh) for you and when you're not a billionaire for crying out loud all the courses I've ever wanted are not even available in our country. There is no 'chase your dreams' bullshit in here man, unless, UNLESS you've completed the degree your parents expect you to, find a nice paying job, and use the money you've earned to pursue the career that you actually wanted overseas, but man what a waste of time, you'd be 30 or 40 plus or so by then (but oh well at least you get to do something you're passionate about until you die) and you'd be a marine biologist with an engineer degree or a tourist with accounting background or something like that. Well, reality check, that option is totally out for me already, for having expectations and expenses and budgets and skills confining and suffocating me into this narrow of a path with my career options, it isn't like I even had a choice. (You don't have to convince me I can really chase my dreams you know, as I know some people would actually do that if they were to read this, this may not be applicable for your life but oh well, this IS my life and it's not like I haven't thought that through, either)

That's all for today and I'm gonna continue my work (sigh), will update you real soon about college life, I guess.
Ciao lovelies, xx




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